me and girls

Lately, I feel like God’s been opening a lot of opportunities with girls (not in that way), but a lot of me is scared to approach this. For sure, God knows that I need to reconcile with girls, mainly because the ones in my past have negatively affected my perception of women and their role in my life. However, friendship with a girl is a tricky one. In the past, I have been easy to fall into the trap of expecting more out of friendships, easy to think that they owe me something, and easy to establish my identity into a relationship… all pretty bad things to fall into. With this a lot of the times I lose and hurt myself (and maybe even others). Directing myself back to the first sentence, yeah, I feel like God is inviting me into cross gendered relationships, yet it frustrates me that he fully knows of my weaknesses in this matter and lets it happen anyway. It completely frustrates me that I believe that I need to work on other things in my heart that I deem as a higher priority, yet with all my weakness put into account, He still says to go forth. Do these words stress my fears enough? Does this genuinely represent the fear I have with this subject? By all means, I hope anyone who reads this can see how completely terrified I am about this.

God please do not let my fears limit my faith, please do not let my fears limit the relationships, and please do not let my fears limit You, Your love, Your righteousness, Your grace, nor Your glory. Please watch over me Father, and please when I stumble, as you walk next to me, pick me up with your loving arms. May I grow the wisdom in which only you can give. Please may I see a glimpse of your promises.