For the past few days, I've been counting the few minutes I have remaining here in Redondo. I move in 2 more weeks, but with the stuff I have going on, it's even shorter than that. This week is graduation week so I won't be able to plan that much with friends. Monday is my Chem final and the awards ceremony which ruins any plans I can make for that day. Tuesday I have nothing but everyone else is graduating. Wednesday is school and graduation practice. Thursday is actual graduation and grad night. Friday is recovery then church. Saturday and Sunday is both church. In other words, I only have a week of free time to actually spend with people.
I feel like I have nothing to stress over but I'm constantly put down by the few minutes I have remaining here. I want to be able to spend those precious few minutes with people that matter to me, but it doesn't feel like anyone else feels the same. Although I've done this 17 times already, moving continues to break me. It reminds me of the nothingness inside of me, the very few relationships, if any, I have, and the imminent pain once I get to Georgia. People say they'll keep in touch but I've done this enough times to realize they won't. I've just become a number to them, and as I move, they erase the mark that I left tallied into their notepad of friends.
So the few words of advice I can give to everyone before I leave is this, learn to love because the lack of love in my life is the reason why I believe I'm so depressed all the time. Love is a powerful thing (sounds like a hippy slogan). Love forms bonds between people, molds relationships stronger, provides people faith, break barriers, builds intimacy, and a bunch of other things I can't think of at the moment. Remember that no matter how much you say you love the person, it's not the same as showing that person you do love them, and that your actions speak louder than your full of crap and bs words.
Hi Joey. I kinda know how it feels to be "forgotten" or to at least become distant with a once-close friend.. and it does feel pretty crappy.
ReplyDeleteI hope your family has a good time in Georgia and I hope you feel better about moving. I'm sure it won't be so bad. Trust me, you'll find new friends along the way who will care about you too. And you'll realize the friends who matter THE most will remember to respect you back, no matter where you're standing in the world. They are open-minded and will never judge you wrongly for who you are inside, or the things you've done in the past.
Sometimes I feel just the same as you do about friendships, but in the end I realize it's just about being glad that you got the chance to experience new people and learn how to live in today's world. Some times, it doesn't matter if your friendships are as superficial as the old couple down the block who you wave to every day. (= Just tell yourself, everybody is my friend, I just haven't had the oppurtunity to meet them quite yet. And each person I'm glad to have met, even if they gave me the middle finger while I almost hit them.
I actually envy you and Elise for getting to be able to experience more of the world. I think you guys would be happier in Georgia too! But just remember that we will all miss your family very much.
-"sem"'s best friend